tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-50825557501777538242024-02-20T18:46:20.060+00:00sian and crooked ribSian Norris is a novelist, journalist, short story writer and poet.sian and crooked ribhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13842124816056940605noreply@blogger.comBlogger576125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5082555750177753824.post-36574190727077123782019-11-19T11:50:00.000+00:002019-11-19T11:50:23.982+00:00Why are so many women dying in sex games gone wrong - repost In May 2019 I wrote about the growing use of the "sex game gone wrong" defence in cases of fatal male violence. Unfortunately the website I wrote it for is no longer live, so I am reposting it here as this issue has only got worse in the intervening months.<br />
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<span class="s1"><b>Why are so many women dying in sex games gone wrong?</b></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><i>Last month, NewsMavens reported the media framing of the death of Anna Florence Reed whose boyfriend claims she died in a sex game gone wrong. Now we ask: why are women dying in this way? And is the problem getting worse?</i></span></div>
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<span class="s1">When 22 year old <a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-york-north-yorkshire-47910650"><span class="s2">Anna Florence Reed was found dead</span></a> in a Swiss hotel, <a href="https://newsmavens.com/special-review/1126/it-s-not-a-sex-game-when-a-woman-dies"><span class="s2">newspapers across Europe</span></a> uncritically repeated her boyfriend’s claim -- that Reed had died in a “sex game gone wrong”. An autopsy revealed she had died from suffocation. She had cuts and bruises on her face and body, as well as fractures. Her partner is still awaiting charges.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">According to research collected by the campaign <a href="https://wecantconsenttothis.uk/"><span class="s2">We Can’t Consent To This</span></a>, set up by Fiona Mackenzie earlier this year, Reed is estimated to be the 52nd British woman to die in a purported “sex game gone wrong”. Thirty-two men who have claimed this controversial defense have been found guilty of murder, suggesting that this defense is often deemed to be false -- an excuse increasingly used to explain the violent death of a sexual partner.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Fourteen cases resulted in manslaughter convictions, and five men either had charges against them dropped, not brought, or were found not guilty. Two thirds of the women and girls had been strangled.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Five male victims were also killed by men, and no women have killed men or women in these circumstances in the UK.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Explaining why she set up the campaign, Mackenzie told me “I and other women on <a href="https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3459232-We-Cant-Consent-to-This-all-the-sex-game-gone-wrong-defences"><span class="s2">Mumsnet</span></a> had noticed more and more cases of women being injured by men as part of consensual sex gone wrong. In 2017-8, there were quite a few cases of young women being killed by men quite violently, and then the men claiming that this was consensual sex. I wanted to to show it wasn’t just one case, and maybe there was some commonality in what these men are claiming.”</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Mackenzie and her fellow activists set about collecting data from all the newspaper websites in the UK. They have now traced incidences of the “sex game gone wrong” defense back to 1972, when Carole Califano died after being injected with five anasethetics by her partner Peter Drinkwater. He claimed she had asked for these injections because of her “perverted sexual desires”. People close to Califano claimed Drinkwater was controlling and had prevented the young mum from seeing her friends. He was convicted of manslaughter.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">The Califano case shows that this defense is not new. However, according to Mackenzie’s data, the number of men claiming that a woman has died in a sex game gone wrong in the UK has increased by 90% since 2010. Of all the cases collected by <a href="https://wecantconsenttothis.uk/"><span class="s2">We Can’t Consent To This</span></a>, 24 have taken place in the past nine years.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">It was the 2016 death of Natalie Connolly that first brought the term “sex game gone wrong” to national attention. She had endured 40 separate injuries, including those sustained by a blunt object, and a fractured eye socket. Her partner, John Broadhurst, claimed the injuries were from consensual “rough” sex and was convicted of manslaughter by gross negligence in December 2018. He is now serving a custodial sentence of <a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-46591150"><span class="s2">just under four years</span></a>.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Broadhurst’s sentence prompted the Labor MP for Peckham and Camberwell <a href="https://www.harrietharman.org/"><span class="s2">Harriet Harman</span></a> to speak out against this so-called “<a href="https://www.harrietharman.org/ending_the_50_shades_of_grey_defence_in_domestic_homicides"><span class="s2">50 shades defense</span></a>”. The “50 Shades” term refers to the popular books series <a href="https://www.eljamesauthor.com/books/fifty-shades-of-grey/"><span class="s2">50 Shades Of Grey</span></a>.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Harman told the BBC that “we cannot have a situation where men kill women and blame them. No man will ever be accused of murder again if he can always say, 'yes she's injured, she wanted it’. She will never be able to say, 'no I didn't' because he's killed her and therefore she hasn't got a voice."</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Legally, no one can consent to injury or death. This defense is not successful for men in the majority of cases, with 43 being convicted for murder. This would suggest that for many men, this defense is being used opportunistically to try and diminish their responsibility. As forensic psychiatrist Alessandro Meluzzi told Italian news outlet <a href="https://www.tio.ch/ticino/attualita/1363516/ecco-come-si-fa-a-sapere-se-quello-e-davvero-un-gioco-erotico-finito-male"><span class="s2">Tio</span></a> following Anna Reed’s death, “it is always easier to talk about an erotic game that has ended badly, rather than to admit that they have intentionally killed a partner in other ways.”</span></div>
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<span class="s3">Mackenzie agrees, telling me “if you are found with a dead woman and you have strangled that woman, there aren’t many ways you can get out of that, and I think it’s worth men trying to claim it’s part of consensual sexual activity gone wrong.”</span></div>
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<span class="s1">However, if a man can convince the courts that a woman was accidentally killed during sex, then he can be convicted of manslaughter. This has been the case for six men jailed since 2010.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">These include 20-year old Chloe Miazek. Two hours after meeting 32-year old Mark Bruce, she’d been strangled to death in his flat. He claimed it was an accident, although he accepted that <a href="https://www.pressandjournal.co.uk/fp/news/aberdeen/1448262/man-jailed-for-six-years-after-killing-20-year-old-chloe-miazek-in-aberdeen-flat/"><span class="s2">he did not get Miazek’s consent to choke her</span></a>. He was convicted of culpable homicide (the equivalent of manslaughter in Scottish law), and sentenced for six years.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Then there was Hannah Pearson, aged 16, who was killed in 2016 by James Morton. The court found that Morton was “<a href="https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/sexual-strangulation-man-james-morton-kill-schoolgirl-drunk-16-year-old-sex-throttle-a7853481.html"><span class="s2">obsessed with strangulation</span></a>” and watched strangulation pornography. He claimed that he began to “lightly strangle” Pearson and, because she did not object, he strangled her more forcefully. He was convicted of manslaughter and sentenced to 12 years.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">In 2011, 23 year old Anna Banks was <a href="https://www.lancashiretelegraph.co.uk/news/9185235.colne-man-who-strangled-lover-not-guilty-of-murder/"><span class="s2">killed</span></a> by her “obsessive” boyfriend Daniel Lancaster. She was found 24 hours after her death with “dried blood on her face” having been strangled. Lancaster claimed that Banks “enjoyed being throttled during intercourse” and was sentenced to four years for manslaughter as “part of a sex game gone wrong.”</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Broadhurst and at least three other men using the “50 Shades” defense have been convicted of “manslaughter by gross negligence” -- where a person has failed in a duty of care that has led to another’s death. Mackenzie believes this sets a worrying precedent.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">“By claiming that the act that led to the person’s death is consensual, it’s then not treated as unlawful,” she explained. “It makes it okay, for example, to hold a knife to a woman’s throat and cut her if you can then convince the judge that it was consensual and not an unlawful act that could be prosecuted.”</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Human rights lawyer and founder of <a href="https://www.centreforwomensjustice.org.uk/"><span class="s2">Center for Women’s Justice</span></a> Harriet Wistrich is concerned that we’re seeing a “normalization, and the presumption that women would be consenting to the kinds of the things that cause their death, without an understanding of how likely it was that the woman was under duress to participate in these activities, or whether they didn’t want to.”</span></div>
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<span class="s1">“We only hear his side of the story,” said Karen Ingala-Smith, founder of the <a href="https://twitter.com/CountDeadWomen"><span class="s2">Counting Dead Women</span></a> project and the Director of <a href="http://www.niaendingviolence.org.uk/"><span class="s2">NIA</span></a> which supports women and girls who have experienced gender-based violence.</span></div>
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<span class="s3">But what has fuelled the rise of the 50 Shades defense since 2010?</span></div>
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<span class="s1">The timing correlates with the 2010 changes to the “<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Provocation_in_English_law"><span class="s2">provocation</span></a>” defense in English law. This stopped the use of the so-called “<a href="https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2008/jul/29/law.ukcrime"><span class="s2">nagging or shagging</span></a>” defense that had reduced murder charges to manslaughter on the grounds that the suspect was provoked to violence by his victim’s behavior. In cases of gender-based violence, provocation could mean a man discovering his partner was having an affair (shagging defense) or complaining and baiting him (nagging defense).</span></div>
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<span class="s1">According to Harriet Wistrich, it’s not possible to link the changes to the provocation defense and the rise in deaths following “sex games gone wrong” by saying that this defense is the new way to claim diminished responsibility in a violent death. She told me that “these deaths would have to have occurred in the context of some sexual situation, unless that is completely contrived and it’s a rape and murder contrived as a sex game gone wrong.”</span></div>
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<span class="s1">For Mackenzie, one explanation for the increased use of the 50 Shades defense is that these cases are attracting more and more media reports, and therefore more and more men know they can claim “sex game gone wrong” as part of their defense.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">There is also an argument to be made that cultural changes rather than legal changes are having an influence.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">For example, BDSM is <a href="https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2014/11/05/middelbrow-50-shades-of-grey_n_6106816.html?guccounter=1&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;guce_referrer_sig=AQAAAAj_C-OSMcJz3S-OBASFqQr5TTMTlKot73swXmqIkAfa4HOHaeObiuV5q-zebkVuiX5vqIhZz2KxTZiY4Z3GEbUjuEXW5mxsexHRHB85tgu4aS7Vfw4YADmJBFCLiC49F4DrwwECgBgw_8_0n_SNlId0IQB5HKVPdWHC-n7q1xd7"><span class="s2">becoming more mainstream</span></a>, and more <a href="https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2014/11/05/middelbrow-50-shades-of-grey_n_6106816.html?guccounter=1&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;guce_referrer_sig=AQAAAAj_C-OSMcJz3S-OBASFqQr5TTMTlKot73swXmqIkAfa4HOHaeObiuV5q-zebkVuiX5vqIhZz2KxTZiY4Z3GEbUjuEXW5mxsexHRHB85tgu4aS7Vfw4YADmJBFCLiC49F4DrwwECgBgw_8_0n_SNlId0IQB5HKVPdWHC-n7q1xd7"><span class="s2">couples outside of the official community</span></a> are experimenting with practices once confined to fetish clubs. This could be contributing to the rise in deaths -- and the increasing acceptability of the 50 Shades defense.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Writer Rebecca Reid, who has written about her experiences in the BDSM community, told me that “the genie is out the bottle”. While it can be a positive that people are expressing their sexuality in different ways, couples experimenting with BDSM practices “don’t come with the kind of background” of the more formal community which emphasizes consent and risk awareness.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">“Quite a lot of the stuff people do in BDSM is quite dangerous and people in the BDSM community have never shied away from that,” Reid explained. “The community lives by two policies -- risk awareness kink consent, and safe, sane consensual. So the BDSM community is well-regulated, but the problem arises with people who aren’t part of that community.”</span></div>
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<span class="s1">“People don’t realise how much of a risk it can be,” she said. Reid has also noted that the women who have recently been killed in these cases don’t “have any kind of provable interest in BDSM” – e.g. being on forums such as <a href="https://fetlife.com/"><span class="s2">FetLife</span></a>. This “suggests either it’s not true and it’s being used as a defense. Or that they were trying something they didn’t understand.”</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Karen Ingala-Smith suggests another cultural influence: the mainstreaming of aggression in sex, and violent pornography. She told me the rise of the 50 Shades defense could relate to the “increased use of violent and degrading porn, and its normalization” that leads to both women and girls feeling coerced into consenting to potentially violent sex acts by their partners.</span></div>
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<span class="s3">“Young women are being groomed to accept this as what sex is, whether they consent or not. They are being coerced to agree to things that women might not have consented to before, and consent is being manufactured. The boundaries get pushed all the time. It’s to do with objectification and degradation of women.”</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Wistrich agrees, based on anecdotal conversations going on among women. “There’s a normalization of violent porn and women feel compelled to participate in it. Obviously some people freely engage in S&M, but some feel compelled to do it rather than volunteer to do it. They see it as what they have to do. I guess the normalization of violent porn encourages people to participate in more and more dangerous type of sex. It gives men permission to do certain things to women, and because it’s normalized it makes it harder for women to refuse.”</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Mackenzie also believes that the normalization of violence in pornography could be a factor. She has heard from women who have been “shamed” for being “boring” if they don’t accept strangulation as part of sex, and that increasingly “for men the expectation is that women will say yes to it. For women the expectation is that they can’t say no to it, so they go along with it.”</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Having catalogued the use of the 50 Shades defense when women are killed, We Can’t Consent To This is now campaigning for this “<a href="https://wecantconsenttothis.uk/campaign"><span class="s2">defense to no longer be useful for men</span></a>.” They have submitted to the public consultation on the UK’s Domestic Violence Bill, asking MPs to explicitly consider cases where men have used “consent” in their defense. Mackenzie hopes this will “embed policies that mean people involved in the criminal justice system follow the law and are aware of how common these cases are.”</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Meanwhile, Reid is setting up a campaign to improve sex education for adults -- a “sort of NHS Direct website for sex, because right now there are so many websites with so much conflicting information. There’s a lot of sex education that wouldn’t be appropriate for children aged 14, but that people do need to know.”</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Mackenzie is also collecting data on men using the sex game gone wrong defense in cases of injury to women.</span></div>
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<span class="s1">“Since 2010 there’s been a humongous increase in the numbers of women being injured and the man has claimed it’s a sex game gone wrong,” she explained. “Women go through the court process and the men often are found not guilty or receive a tiny sentence because they are able to convince the judge and jury and prosecutors that this was an accident.”</span></div>
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<span class="s1">Part of the issue, she believes, is victim blaming. “I am almost certain that there is a view that the woman are responsible for what killed them and asked for it to be done. That is really scary.”</span></div>
<br />sian and crooked ribhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13842124816056940605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5082555750177753824.post-25159703209059785342017-11-25T11:16:00.001+00:002017-11-25T11:16:04.789+00:00For BBC Women's Hour: Know your place!A dream come true! I got interviewed on <a href="https://www.opendemocracy.net/5050/sian-norris/living-without-men-women-only-organising">BBC Women's Hour!</a> Me and Cath Bore are about 7 minutes in.sian and crooked ribhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13842124816056940605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5082555750177753824.post-54305970704604197612017-11-25T11:15:00.001+00:002017-11-25T11:15:20.246+00:00For Open Democracy 50:50: Living without men I really enjoyed writing this feature for <a href="https://www.opendemocracy.net/5050/sian-norris/living-without-men-women-only-organising">Open Democracy 50:50</a> on women-only communities, organising and living down the ages.sian and crooked ribhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13842124816056940605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5082555750177753824.post-17162786994776605032017-11-25T11:14:00.000+00:002017-11-25T11:14:00.160+00:00For the New Statesman: If you're scared of a boy in a tutu, ask yourself whose side you're onI wrote a first response for the <a href="https://www.newstatesman.com/politics/feminism/2017/11/if-you-re-scared-boy-tutu-ask-yourself-whose-side-you-re">New Statesman</a> on the CofE guidance on sexist, transphobic and homophobic bullying.sian and crooked ribhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13842124816056940605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5082555750177753824.post-36236546935697301162017-11-25T11:12:00.000+00:002017-11-25T11:12:12.851+00:00For the Pool: Trump Trauma One Year OnOn the anniversary of waking up to Trump, I wrote for <a href="https://www.the-pool.com/news-views/latest-news/2017/45/sian-norris-on-trump-trauma-one-year-on">the Pool</a> about the trauma of that morning.sian and crooked ribhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13842124816056940605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5082555750177753824.post-76211832074322045772017-10-27T16:55:00.002+01:002017-10-27T16:55:56.606+01:00For the New Statesman: Jacob Rees-Mogg is wrong againThe NS used a different headline.<br />
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<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://www.newstatesman.com/politics/feminism/2017/10/stop-joking-about-jacob-rees-mogg-his-views-abortion-and-rape-are-hurtful">Stop joking about Jacob Rees-Mogg – his views on abortion and rape are hurtful and harmful</a></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-weight: normal;">Male Twitter has of course decided I am the *worst* as a result of this piece. </span></div>
sian and crooked ribhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13842124816056940605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5082555750177753824.post-63564213543408160522017-10-27T16:54:00.003+01:002017-10-27T16:54:44.576+01:00For politics.co.uk: We need to stop using sexism as a political pawnFunny how so many people care about misogyny when it means they can have a go at people they don't like.<br />
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I wrote <a href="http://www.politics.co.uk/comment-analysis/2017/10/25/all-sides-need-to-stop-using-sexism-as-a-political-pawn">this</a> about how sexism isn't a pawn in your left-right game.sian and crooked ribhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13842124816056940605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5082555750177753824.post-83631792472580915902017-10-27T16:53:00.002+01:002017-10-27T16:53:38.404+01:00For Prospect UK: review of Cynthia Cockburn's Looking to LondonI reviewed Cynthia Cockburn's newest, <a href="https://www.prospectmagazine.co.uk/magazine/a-new-book-allows-asylum-seekers-to-tell-their-stories">Looking to London</a>.<br />
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This also appeared in the print ed.sian and crooked ribhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13842124816056940605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5082555750177753824.post-35224999068255076922017-10-27T16:52:00.001+01:002017-10-27T16:52:45.099+01:00For City Metric: earlier this year a boy hit me on the street near my houseThis was in response to MeToo and also as part of the wider Festival Future Cities work I was involved with.<br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="http://www.citymetric.com/fabric/earlier-year-boy-hit-me-street-near-my-house-3407">“Earlier this year, a boy hit me on the street near my house.”</a></span></div>
sian and crooked ribhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13842124816056940605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5082555750177753824.post-31900690544576124152017-10-20T16:04:00.000+01:002017-10-20T16:13:17.289+01:00#MeToo - If you let them know it bothers you, then they'll do it even more<div class="p1">
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">A long time ago, the day after I got my hair cut into a 1920s style bob, a male colleague asked me if my boyfriend gave me a pearl necklace to go with my hairstyle. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">I didn’t know what he meant. Idiotically, I told him I did have a pearl necklace but I wouldn’t wear it to work. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Cue much hilarity as him and my other male colleague fell about laughing at my naiveté. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">(if, like me, you don’t know what a pearl necklace is, here’s the <a href="https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=pearl%20necklace&utm_source=search-action"><span class="s1">Urban Dictionary</span></a> definition which I then looked up) </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">I’m telling you this because of #MeToo, and because women sharing men’s inappropriate behaviour in the workplace got me considering the inappropriate comments I experienced in the workplace when I was younger, and my relationship with those comments, and my feelings of self-blame and complicity. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">But first I need to explain: I didn't endure sexual harassment in the workplace. This comment, and the other incidents I’ll share, were one-offs over a period of time. The colleague wasn’t predatory and I didn’t feel threatened. Embarrassed, pissed off, but not <i>threatened</i>. I appreciate and respect other women have other definitions and boundaries of what sexual harassment is and looks like, and I would never presume to police them.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">The pearl necklace comment was very early on in that job. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Another occasion — I’ve always been ‘out’ about my gay family, because why wouldn't I be? So my colleague knew my mum is gay. One evening he stood up and started rubbing his torso and making kissing faces, saying my mum had made these gestures and actions to him, telling him she wanted him. Another colleague chipped in: ‘X you could be the one to turn her’. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">I was furious. I was embarrassed. I also didn’t know what to say, how to react, because I was so shocked. I think I mustered a ‘glad you think my mum being gay is so hilarious’ but they were laughing and so I don’t think they heard me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">When I told my staunchly feminist friend about this, she said it was homophobic and sexist harassment and I should complain. I remember thinking about the tight friendship group between the men in my team (in the end, I did say something). </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">That was around the time I first started to consider leaving the job. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Another incident — I was walking back to my desk and the team had had some good news. My colleague and another one sandwiched me between them and started jumping me up and down. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">It’s hard to explain the action — they literally squashed me between their bodies and jiggled me up and down. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">I started yelling at them to get off. I wasn't playing along with the joke, I was panicking. I wanted them to get off me. I feel like I started screaming. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">They stopped in the end, they’re sarcastic ‘all rights’ heavy with disapproval at my ‘overreaction’. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">I remember thinking at the time that I’ve never been raped or severely assaulted, but if I had been then something like that could be horribly triggering. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">I left not long after this. There were plenty more reasons for leaving, but a general <i>ennui</i> about this kind of behaviour was a factor in that decision. I also brought up the second of these three incidents in my exit interview. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">When I told someone outside of work about that final incident, and about how I reacted, they laughed. They said it was my fault they jumped me up and down, because I let on how much it bothered me to be touched, and so they just do it more. </span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">If they know it bothers you then of course they’ll do it more, to wind you up.</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Those weren’t the only things that happened but they are the three I remember. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">When I was younger, I used to try and position myself as one of the boys. I tried to be the Cool Girl, which never worked because I was also an angry feminist who was always going on about women’s issues. I tried to be the Cool Girl because I wanted to be liked. I cared desperately about being liked. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">So when the pearl necklace joke happened, and I deciphered its meaning, I didn’t complain. I had to tell myself the reason he said that to me was because I could take it, because really I was one of the boys.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">After all, on other occasions I was rewarded for being one of the boys. For getting it. That’s important, in thinking about structures and power and what’s expected of women. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">The other option, that he was saying it not because I *got* it, but because I was a woman, a young woman — that I didn’t want to consider. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">I don’t <i>blame</i> myself for propping up that sort of low-level workplace sexism, as I understand <i>why</i> I did it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">I do however question how complicit I was, particularly when I was younger. And how in that complicity, it made it harder to feel I had a right to my anger and discomfort later on. Writing this, I still worry that I’m overreacting, that I’m over sensitive, that another woman in my place would have got the joke and made one back.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">There’s this battle: I was upset and embarrassed by the pearl necklace comment at the time, but I didn't say anything and I laughed it off. I proved my status as one of the guys, I proved I could *take* it. And yet I <i>was</i> embarrassed and offended. However my lack of vocalising that offence made it difficult to feel I had (and, consequently, have) a *right* to those feelings of upset. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">(this is something that I think about a lot, and struggle with a lot, in various aspects of my life)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">I am frustrated, also, in case my early complicity then made it harder for women who came after to me to complain, if they needed to or wanted to. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">So there is this sense of self-blame and self-recrimination, and guilt at my self-perceived oversensitivity: even though on another level I know there was little I could do, as a young woman starting a new job. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;">Even though I know, and knew then, that jokes about a man ejaculating on my neck are not appropriate for the workplace ever, in any context, at any point. </span></div>
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</style>sian and crooked ribhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13842124816056940605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5082555750177753824.post-21870919175715155992017-10-15T13:47:00.004+01:002017-10-15T13:47:54.439+01:00For the Pool: Let’s stop romanticising the misguided, possibly dangerous actions of spurned men<a href="https://www.the-pool.com/news-views/opinion/2017/37/sian-norris-on-romanticising-stalking-piano-playing-ex">Let's stop romanticising the misguided, possibly dangerous actions of spurned men</a>sian and crooked ribhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13842124816056940605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5082555750177753824.post-78552037451336087042017-10-15T13:46:00.002+01:002017-10-15T13:46:38.364+01:00For the New Statesman: The damage to Samantha the sex robot shows male aggression being normalised<h1 class="title inf_class" data-analyticsid="/politics/feminism/2017/09/damage-samantha-sex-robot-shows-male-aggression-being-normalised" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; font-stretch: normal; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-rendering: optimizeLegibility; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small; font-weight: normal;"><a href="https://www.newstatesman.com/politics/feminism/2017/09/damage-samantha-sex-robot-shows-male-aggression-being-normalised">The damage to Samantha the sex robot shows male aggression being normalised</a></span></h1>
sian and crooked ribhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13842124816056940605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5082555750177753824.post-23559308491461777742017-10-15T13:45:00.004+01:002017-10-15T13:45:42.203+01:00For politics.co.uk: Where's Conservative compassion for Afghan asylum seekers?<h1 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; direction: ltr; line-height: 1.4; margin: -0.2em 0px 0.5em; padding: 0px; text-rendering: optimizeLegibility;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small; font-weight: normal;"><a href="http://www.politics.co.uk/comment-analysis/2017/10/06/where-s-conservative-compassion-for-afghan-asylum-seekers-">Where's Conservative compassion for Afghan asylum seekers?</a></span></h1>
sian and crooked ribhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13842124816056940605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5082555750177753824.post-4808367379987600852017-10-15T13:45:00.002+01:002017-10-15T13:45:04.326+01:00For politics.co.uk: While we celebrate a new royal baby, poor families are being punished for having a third child<h1 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; direction: ltr; line-height: 1.4; margin: -0.2em 0px 0.5em; padding: 0px; text-rendering: optimizeLegibility;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small; font-weight: normal;"><a href="http://www.politics.co.uk/comment-analysis/2017/09/05/while-we-celebrate-new-royal-baby-poor-families-are-punished">While we celebrate a new royal baby, poor families are being punished for having a third child</a></span></h1>
sian and crooked ribhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13842124816056940605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5082555750177753824.post-89399049602625080062017-10-15T13:43:00.001+01:002017-10-15T13:43:07.086+01:00For Prospect UK: From Trump to Jacob Rees-Mogg, it’s time to start taking “eccentric” politicians seriously<h2 class="page-title" style="background-color: white; border-bottom: none; border-image: initial; border-left: 0px; border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; clear: both; color: #262626; line-height: 30px; margin: 0px 0px 2px; outline: 0px; padding: 4px 0px 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small; font-weight: normal;"><a href="https://www.prospectmagazine.co.uk/other/from-trump-to-jacob-rees-mogg-its-time-to-start-taking-eccentric-politicians-seriously">From Trump to Jacob Rees-Mogg, it’s time to start taking “eccentric” politicians seriously</a></span></h2>
sian and crooked ribhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13842124816056940605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5082555750177753824.post-25161968581700033202017-09-03T17:03:00.001+01:002017-09-03T17:03:53.273+01:00For politics.co.uk Domestic violence solicitor: 'I've been forced out by government cuts'The cuts to legal aid are draining the legal sector of women solicitors specialising in domestic and sexual abuse.<br />
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Former solicitor, domestic abuse support worker, and union superstar Taranjit Chana explained all to me.<br />
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<a href="http://www.politics.co.uk/comment-analysis/2017/08/30/domestic-violence-solicitor-i-ve-been-forced-out-by-governme">Have a read.</a>sian and crooked ribhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13842124816056940605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5082555750177753824.post-27141732150109119742017-09-03T17:02:00.003+01:002017-09-03T17:02:28.223+01:00For Bristol 24/7: Bristol’s silence about our slavery past cannot continueI had my say about statues and slavery.<br />
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<a href="https://www.bristol247.com/opinion/your-say/bristols-silence-slavery-past-cannot-continue/">Have a read.</a>sian and crooked ribhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13842124816056940605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5082555750177753824.post-66765535178321247892017-09-03T17:01:00.001+01:002017-09-03T17:01:32.180+01:00For the Dial: Charlottesville - could it happen here?In the wake of fascism rising in the USA, I asked if it could happen here.<br />
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<a href="https://thedial.co/articles/charlottesville-could-it-happen-here">Have a read.</a>sian and crooked ribhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13842124816056940605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5082555750177753824.post-3840906883830235802017-09-03T16:55:00.003+01:002017-09-03T16:55:39.685+01:00For Prospect: a review of The High PlacesAs part of Prospect's look back on the books of the year so far, I reviewed Fiona McFarlane's short story collection, The High Places.<br />
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<a href="https://www.prospectmagazine.co.uk/magazine/fiona-mcfarlanes-new-short-story-collection-explores-secrets-and-the-terrors-of-childhood">Have a read</a>.sian and crooked ribhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13842124816056940605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5082555750177753824.post-41307846645492045992017-08-15T18:23:00.001+01:002017-08-15T18:23:30.783+01:00For Prospect UK: Time and again, we find that terror suspects have a history of domestic violence. What will it take for us to listen to women?In the wake of Charlottesville, I wrote about the so-called alt-right, violent misogyny and white supremacist violence.<br />
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It was pretty depressing.<br />
<br />
You <a href="https://www.prospectmagazine.co.uk/other/time-and-again-we-find-that-terror-suspects-have-a-history-of-domestic-violence-what-will-it-take-for-us-to-listen-to-women">can read it here</a>.sian and crooked ribhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13842124816056940605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5082555750177753824.post-1410082598249440272017-08-15T18:22:00.001+01:002017-08-15T18:22:28.203+01:00For politics.co.uk: Channel 4's latest poverty porn makes entertainment out of a crisisI wrote for politics.co.uk about Channel 4's TV show The Great Property Giveaway and how it's poverty porn for the housing crisis.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.politics.co.uk/comment-analysis/2017/08/09/channel-4-s-latest-poverty-porn-makes-entertainment-out-of-a">Have a read</a>.sian and crooked ribhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13842124816056940605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5082555750177753824.post-28325068948887164582017-08-15T18:21:00.002+01:002017-08-15T18:21:25.134+01:00For Elle magazine: The outfit I'll never wear againWell this is pretty cool.<br />
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Elle magazine ran a writing competition, asking for a piece of memoir on 'the outfit I'll never wear again'.<br />
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And out of nearly 1000 entries, I was a runner up!<br />
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It was about my life as a ballet dancer.<br />
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<a href="http://www.elleuk.com/life-and-culture/articles/a37345/elle-talent-competition-2017-runner-up-sian-norris/">Have a read</a>.sian and crooked ribhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13842124816056940605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5082555750177753824.post-88422145689309544592017-07-31T10:06:00.003+01:002017-07-31T10:06:54.744+01:00For politics.co.uk: The Lola Ilesnami case highlights the Home Office’s failingsI wrote a follow up to my piece about the Lola Ilesanmi case.<br />
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This one covers the Home Office failings and the need for change.<br />
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<a href="http://www.politics.co.uk/comment-analysis/2017/07/24/the-lola-ilesnami-case-highlights-the-home-office-s-failings">Have a read</a>sian and crooked ribhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13842124816056940605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5082555750177753824.post-71120220356473334332017-07-22T10:12:00.001+01:002017-07-22T10:12:32.562+01:00For the Guardian: Wake up, Boots. You can’t judge women who need the morning-after pillI wrote for the Guardian about Boots' decision to keep the cost of the morning after pill artificially high.<br />
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<a href="https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2017/jul/21/boots-cant-judge-women-morning-after-pill">Wake up, Boots. You can't judge women who need the morning after pill</a><br />
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Today Boots said they would review the costs - whoop whoop!sian and crooked ribhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13842124816056940605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5082555750177753824.post-83997371095347310372017-07-22T10:10:00.002+01:002017-07-22T10:10:45.672+01:00For the New Statesman: A rape-able sex robot makes the world more dangerous for women, not lessI wrote about sex robots for the New Statesman.<br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small; font-weight: normal;"><a href="http://www.newstatesman.com/politics/feminism/2017/07/rape-able-sex-robot-makes-world-more-dangerous-women-not-less">A rape-able sex robot makes the world more dangerous for women, not less</a></span></h1>
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It was horrible. </div>
sian and crooked ribhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13842124816056940605noreply@blogger.com0