story from the autumn
i was loved up when i wrote this, it captures it i think xxx
The sun hits my eyes to wake me from slumber. I open them drowsily and feel warm for your arms around me. I think you awake, and it works! Your eyes open to meet mine, and they smile down on me. I push my back and the reverse of my legs into your body, as your mouth shapes a heart on my cheek. As I pull you closer, I mentally hug my body in gorgeous joy at finding me in your arms.
In the brief interlude between my open eye flicker and yours that followed, a natural fear starts to rise in my chest. Terror if I wake, it will be to find your back against mine, a steel wall building between us and shutting me down, crushing me beneath a brunt of blame. But as consciousness pushes me up, it is in a wave of self-relief that your arms have locked me in kind embrace. Hey you, you whisper softly and kiss me again. I murmur sleep sounds and turn myself towards you, breasts pushing against chest as I try to bury myself deeper into your body. I know I am fidgeting to and fro, but I cant find the place where I can be embracing your body s completely. Yet I dont need to search for you, I dont need to claw up and slip down any steel walls, you are right there, you are letting me in. You arent hiding behind glass eyes, but you understand my fears and seek to reassure. You take my mouth in yours and fill my body as I bite my lip in thankfulness that you arent hiding.
I lie in your arms once more and we talk quietly about the meaning of life as we trace bodies with fingers, leaving our print on each other invisibly. Joyful in the arms of your morning, secure in the look of your eyes that no matter what happens when we move upright, no matter what the aftermath brings, you havent put down a lock.
When we fully waken once more, it is time to stop the morning. I find you a towel and show you how to work the shower. I desire you in the water, but respect your privacy. When you put on your clothes, it seems strange that I was permitted to see you naked, as I stumbling and muttering pull my clothes together. I wonder if you see my skin through the encasing fabric. I wonder how one can freeze time, but the minute hand presses relentlessly on and leave we must. The day laps me in beauty as I hold you tight and keep you at my lips a little longer.
Stiffly we walk side by side in the cool sun, nervous laughter but not nervous enough to make me fearful. Youre so grown up; I think to myself, you wont be a weak child like the others could be. We part quietly and when you call me in the morning, I know I judge right.
I wonder how I am spoken of, if you worry for my youth and if you are happy at my contented happiness. In our aftermath lies only peace.