parody of a certain celebrity daughter
because her journalism has really been driving me crazy.
I sauntered downstairs once, the sun streaming like a hot ball of fire through the crystalline glass of the windows into my hallway, before wandering into my sister Xs room, pondering on what I will do with my boyfriend ( I have an amazing boyfriend you know, he’s like a cross between a dandy Don Juan, a pirate and a philosopher from the early twentieth century – a bit like me really which is why we get on so well, I love him and will probably stay with him until I dump him for a guy in a band who totally gets my restless dreaming soul and will take me to all the parts of America the tourists don’t go to and marry me) when I see my sister X sitting at her desk, putting objects into her mouth.
It turned out she’d discovered this totally new thing called eating, a way of tasting edible items, digesting them and transferring the solid object into a mystical energy that allows you to, like, live and move and dance!
Luckily I am getting paid to tell you about food because I like, totally know that if I don’t write about these things in a way that is reminiscent of a romantically inclined GCSE student – with metaphors that dig the way the sunlight dances in a dappled manner through the window, then you would never know about them, or get the chance to follow my trend lead.
Next week I will explain music to you, I discovered music the other day and you really need my guidance on it because it may totally blow your mind - it has transformed my life like the karmic cycle of the dharma wheel. And I’ll tell you some more about my boyfriend.
Did I mention my dad is famous?